I am seriously undone today God, I feel like I am being stretched beyond the length of my understanding. What is happening in my soul, I cannot explain. I feel like there is a part of me that is leaving, not a part I want to stay, the part of me that has judged me at every turn that has showed me its ugly face when I look into the mirror. I feel as though I have seen myself in glimpses lately without the filter of that judgmental eye telling me constantly that I am ugly, no one wants to be your friend, too fat (yep, I said it and if you are offended by my calling it like it is then chances are you have said this to yourself too).
I feel like I am being stretched, I feel as though there have been substantial cracks broken into the dam containing or restraining me telling me I could only go so far. It feels like I am losing my shadow like Peter Pan, only I don’t want to sew it back on and it hurts. Why? Why does it hurt, why do I feel like I am mourning the loss of someone, a loved one. That shadow has been so potent in every aspect of my life I should be happy to be rid of it. Then again if the lie is not there then I am forced to believe the truth about what He says about me.
I am fearfully, beautifully and wonderfully made…yes I added ‘beautifully’ because that is the adjective that I have struggled with for years regarding my own beauty. I am Beautiful!
Can I believe those words? Do I want to? YES. Once the lie is removed, what is left? The truth.
I don’t know about you but I have spent many a day putting on outfits that I thought were cute then taking that second glance with that ugly expression of this is not a socially acceptable, cute…a skinny or pretty girl could totally pull this off but NOT YOU.
Stood in front of the mirror putting on makeup and then thinking, why do I bother, it doesn’t help anyways?
This last year God has done so much in me and walked through the yucky and dark places of my heart and how I see myself. Shedding light on the lies and revealing the truth.
I am beautifully and wonderfully made… I AM, I AM, I AM. YOU ARE, YOU ARE, YOU ARE!!!
Such a simple way to explain how He sees us and how we should see ourselves and yet this is one area that we all struggle with on a daily basis. So how about this…we wake up and like a moisturizer or foundation (makeup) that you put on under your blush and everything else; how about we view the Armor of God this same way. The armor of God should be the very first thing we put on in the morning. I mean how can we expect to make it throughout the entire day, every day without Him unless we are wearing our armor (Ephesians 6)?
Belt of Truth, “ 13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. “ Psalm 139:13- 18
The Helmet of Salvation, “2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. “ Roman 12:2
Gospel Shoes, “7 How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.” Isaiah 52:7
Breastplate of Righteousness, “21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:21
Shield of Faith, “"24 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.” John 5:24 and “20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
Sword of the Spirit, “12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
For some there might be that very LITERAL idea about what I am saying and for others it is a very loose term, “Putting on the full armor of God”. In fact putting on the full armor of God is so applicable to our everyday life that it wasn’t just mentioned once in the bible but several times. Do you think He was trying to make a point? There is no standard of life worth living that is greater than the one we live with Him, walking alongside Him, following His lead. He has given us the tools to combat every work Satan would try to bring against us. Yes even looking in the mirror and hearing yourself say back how awful you look. Imagine if your child made you a beautiful gift and brought it to you with great excitement and pride only to have you brush it aside with the response of “couldn’t you have done better, paid a little more attention to the lines…why didn’t you give me what I wanted?” We would never receive a gift from our kids or any one on this earth with that kind of response but we do that with God on a daily basis all throughout the day when we ridicule His blessings, gifting, call on our lives or simply by how He created us.
After reading the blog post this week, thus far, over at Destiny in Bloom I just come to the conclusion that even when we think we got it there is always still so much more love and freedom that God wants to reveal to us.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” we have all heard this, when we dress and consider modesty and beauty we should be first dressing ourselves in His armor. Take a few minutes and go read the post over at Destiny in Bloom where Alan Smith shares about Modesty and Beauty, I promise it will redefine what those two words mean toyou. Zach Neese talks about who you are and not how but HOW got created you, The Lesser “I AM”. Bob Hamp shares about your emotions, why you have them and why we are emotional beings, “The Stronger Sex” . These posts should be required reading for every woman, so much goodness.
Father, I pray that you would expose wounds and misconceptions to us and bring truth and healing to those places in our hearts. I thank you Lord that you meet each of us where we are and walk along side us through every peak and valley in our lives. I thank you Big Daddy for giving us new perspectives, giving us Your perspective of our lives and who You say we are.