We Remember You: "Little One" (2005)

In January of 2005, shortly after our twins first birthday we were very surprised when I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I was roughly about 6 weeks pregnant when I miscarried while at home. There was so much about that time that was just confusing and difficult to process. I remember the day that I visited my doctor, feeling numb and wanting to forget, I asked her to not tell me about any of the results they got back from pathology. I wanted to close the door to that event in my life, which was much like how I treated every other unbearable event I had faced before. Because our children were so young and so close together I felt the need to cover it up. I remember saying to my mom as I sobbed on my pillow that I didn't understand how I could be so heartbroken over losing a baby I hardly had the time to know.

There is something different about being a mother and holding a baby in your womb and all that it biologically entails. I am sure it looks much different to the mother than it does to the father or anyone else. There is this maternal bond that I believe begins to happen long before you even are aware that they are growing inside you. They are a part of who you are, you are supporting the very system that is helping nurture them to grow. I know that 6 weeks is still quite tiny, in fact I know that our little one was barely the size of a chocolate chip. Isn't it true though that as a mom the moment that you become aware of the life growing inside you, the dream and hope of the life that is to come already begins to take shape in your heart. 

"A person's a person, no matter how small" 
- Dr. Suess

It was more than 8 years later in the Fall of 2012 that I first heard about We Remember You and the We Remember You Walk. At first I joined up with Beautifully Chaotic, my friend Melissa Aulds, to help with some administrative and creative aspects to the walk. I did not know going in that it was totally going to wreck me. There was so much emotion that bubbled to the surface of my heart and poured out on my pillow. I didn't realize how much I had suppressed my feelings all to spare the feelings or comfort of those that surrounded me. I also don't think I understood at the time of our loss that I was fully allowed to grieve the loss of our little one.

Today, I am so happy to say that the healing that took place in my heart is full and complete. I look forward to one day meeting our little one in heaven. Until then I am so honored to partner with We Remember You to bring hope and healing to other moms who either have or are suffering the same type of loss or one like it. 

Next week, October 12th, Beautifully chaotic will host the annual We Remember You walk. There will be sister walks taking place all over the US. We are working with many different people, vendors, and organizations to raise funds and awareness surrounding infant loss.

One in four women have experience the loss of a baby, this means then I have lots of friends who have been there or love someone who has. It only takes a dollar to make a difference since every dollar gets 5 cards printed, a $5 donation will provide 25 women with a beautiful Memory Card that will not only bring hope and love during a time of great pain. It will also encourage them to seek out support groups like this one, We Remember You as well as provide them with the information they need to have their child's name added to the list of names honored at We Remember You. 

Let me know if you can help us reach our goal, you can give via PayPal and put my name in the message box.

Breaking the Silence,
Jessica Dromgoole